I had done a final read over, made a few changes and then tried to post it.
But suddenly more than half of what I had worked so hard on was GONE!! What?!?!
Ok, don't panic, just go back it's got to be somewhere...
They say that you need to be careful of what you put on the internet because once it's out there, it's always out there! Except for my Blog post I guess! That thing has been forever lost!
Now the panic starts to set in...
This isn't fair...I spent so much time pouring my heart into this post...I was happy with it...
God had taught me something through a difficult day that I'd had this week, and I thought it would be the perfect thing to write about on this blog.
For the past few hours, I had been putting these thoughts into words. Going over each sentence and cutting and pasting until it sounded just right.
And now it is gone.
I went back, I went forward, I checked to see if I'd posted it as something else. But it was lost.
I felt suddenly empty. God why? Tears came.
I had spent so much time on this.
God had used that hard day this week to show me just how much He loves me. I had just spent hours with him, writing about this, and standing amazed at how he can use us even when we feel weak; physically, mentally, spiritually, or all of the above. If we let him.
And now my work was gone. He had known exactly what would happen; that I would lose my writing today.
I wanted to quit.
I was angry, hurt, and the lies came and told me that I really didn't have anything to offer anyways.
I sat here for a minute or two or maybe more.
I cried out to God. I knew he could help me figure out how to get my post back. But nothing I tried worked!
I knew there was no way to start over and rewrite all, and somehow I felt like I wasn't supposed to. I felt like God wanted me to hand my words and even my disappointment over to Him, and let him help turn it into something new.
And so here I am, realizing that there is beauty and lessons to be learned even when things don't go the way I feel they should.
The words that I had carefully chosen and written might be gone, but the Truth is still there. The things God had taught me, His Truth that had poured into my soul is still there. A lost blog post can't take that from me!
His love is the same no matter what. His grace is bigger than my doubts, fears, emotions, and losses.
God still loves me. And this realization, in the midst of disappointment, is worth so much more than a lost blog post! I would trade everything just to know Him more, to feel his comfort, and his Love.
There's a song that I've been listening to over and over today. It puts the words to what is in my heart. Especially at the end of the song, when it says: "I'd be lost without you. But now I'm found singing your praise"
Please take a few minutes to listen to this song (at the bottom of this post)
I pray that it speaks to you :)
Scandal Of Grace (I'd be lost)- Hillsong United
Grace, what have You done?
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in Your blood
Too much to make sense of it all
I know that Your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
Oh
Death, where is your sting?
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live
And mercy, my heart now to sing
The day and its trouble shall come
I know that Your strength is enough
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
And it's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of Your love that my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
I'd be lost
I'd be lost
I'd be lost without you
But now I'm found singing Your praise
I'd be lost
I'd be lost
I'd be lost without you
Jesus
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