I had never experienced the pain of loss like this before, and I felt like my heart was breaking.
I remember. so clearly, standing in the shower and feeling like the tears would never stop.
It hurt so badly.
I prayed and told God that I needed him to fix things and take this hurt away because I couldn't handle it.
Suddenly, I felt peace.
I'll never forget that moment.
One second I was crying as though my heart was broken, and the next second I was filled with such peace and calmness. Nothing had changed, my special little dog was still gone, but inside of me everything had changed.
God had heard my prayer and had comforted me, and that powerful moment has forever been solidly stuck in my memory and has become a part of who I am.
I a moment I had experienced true comfort from my Heavenly Father, and that moment forever changed something inside of me.
Last week was a tough one for me. My little dog Zoe had to get a small
operation done at the vet. While she was having that done, the vet noticed some awful things about her teeth and informed us that she needed to have them all removed asap. This was not something we were prepared for!
I came home and cried, I felt awful for my little pup and was filled with worry for her and about how we would pay for these unexpected vet bills.
I spent most of the next day in bed.
Fears and worries overwhelmed me. I didn't know what to do, the dental surgery would cost way more than what we could afford right now, but without doing it, Zoe would be suffering so badly. I considered the idea of having to put her down because of costs. But she was still young and so healthy otherwise...
I laid in bed and prayed.
I asked God to heal my little dog, or to let her peacefully pass away in her sleep so that we wouldn't have these extra bills. or have to make tough decisions. This was more than I could handle.
God could fix this, I believed it!
But I also knew that there were always going to be difficult things coming at me throughout my life. We live in a world where there is sickness. death, decay, and pain. Those things are here because sin is in our world.
Yes, God could fix this situation with Zoe, but what about the next hard thing that happens? And the next thing?
I felt like he wanted to use this situation to teach me something about himself. He is a great teacher and I'm learning to trust Him.
So I pushed past my ideas of what I thought that I needed, and allowed him to work the way he knew that I needed. He showed me that what is even more powerful than him "fixing everything" was letting him comfort me in the midst of hurt and uncertainty. It's a powerful thing because it stops fear and worry in their tracks. I don't have to wait until everything if perfect before I can have Peace.
He reminded me about when my dog had died when I was young, and how he hadn't brought her back but instead gave me His peace in the midst of that difficult time. And he reminded me of how life changing it had been for me, even at such a young age.
I thought of the verse in Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
I felt his comfort and reassurance flood though my mind and my soul once again.
I could give him all of the doubts and worries that this situation was bringing up inside of me, and not only would he take them, but he would also replaced them with a sense of calmness and comfort.
To be comforted, by the One who created me and knows me better than I know myself, is a life changing thing.
I thought back to a few days earlier, when I held one of my children in my arms and listened to them sob as they shared with me some hurtful comments that were spoken to them while at school. I cried with them and allowed God to speak Truth into them through my words. I watched as God used me to comfort and encourage my child. I wished I could have prevented them from ever being hurt in the first place, but yet this opportunity for me to hold them and pray with them and speak truth into their lives was something so valuable.
I hate seeing my children hurting and struggling with things. But I've realized, over the years, that it's often during those times that our bond is strengthened and they see that they can trust us and depend on us as their parents. It's a gift to be able to comfort them.
And I think that it's that way in our relationship with God also.
He hurts when we are hurting, but when we allow him to comfort us, it deepens out trust and dependency in him.
He wants to be everything that we need.
He wants us to run to him with our hurts, our fears, our anxieties, and to allow him to comfort us and to strengthen us in the middle of what we are going through.
Being comforted is a beautiful and powerful thing, but there must first be a need to be comforted.
I am learning that it is ok to go through difficult things: emotionally, physically, financially, in relationships, in whatever we are facing.
God, our Heavenly Father, wants to comfort us, and to give us his peace and strength in those times. There are miracles that happen inside of comfort!
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