So I was thinking...
Sometimes God gives us a dream/vision of something that we are to pray into. Unity in the church/people in our community being drawn to Him and being set free/miracles etc.
These things are exciting! But sometimes maybe we get discouraged when we don't see it happening the way we think it should or when we think it should! Sometimes things seem to even be going backwards.
So why does God allow us to have these hopes/dreams/visions?
Then I thought of this:
When our kids were really little, I would never say something like "we're going to go on a great family trip and swim in the ocean and do all sorts of wonderful things two years from now!" They would have whined and felt impatient and like it was never going to happen, because they were just too young and two years would feel like forever to them!
But as they grew up, and were able to understand more, and had a better concept of time, we could tell them exciting things that we were going to do in the future. Because there is so much fun, joy, and anticipation in looking forward to something that we know is going to happen! As their parents, we take care of so many of the details: the date of the trip, how far we'll go each day, how we're going to pay for it, how we'll arrange our schedules to make it happen etc. All we need our kids to do is: believe that we're actually going to go on the trip, pack stuff they want to bring, and be excited with us about what we'll do together! They don't seem to worry about the details that we will look after. We tell them things ahead of time so they can be excited and hopeful! The time leading up to the actual trip is part of the fun!
So...maybe it's that way with our Heavenly Father too...maybe He tells us things that he's wanting to do so we can share in the joy and hope of what is coming. But sometimes we allow ourselves to get burdened down as we try to figure out the details of how to make it happen, when those are the things that God is already taking care of. We get impatient instead of enjoying the anticipation of what's to come. Maybe our job is just to trust Him, to believe that he will do what he say he will do, to make sure that we're ready and willing to be part of his plan, to stay in constant connection with him! And to be excited!
Just thinking about this today...and wondering what are the details that are weighing me down and causing discouragement, the things that I was never meant to figure out, the details that God is taking care of! Faith like a child is what He wants us to have!
I love this verse:
“Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].”
Hebrews 11:1 AMP
https://www.bible.com/1588/heb.11.1.amp
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Friday, June 9, 2017
You Are Lovable.
You are so fat.
You are ugly, your feet are too big, your eyes are too small.
No one cares about your problems, it's your own fault if you get hurt or sick.
People only pretend that they like you, if they knew who you really were they'd leave.
You don't have anything to offer, you're just not good enough.
And don't forget that your body looks disgusting and it's your own fault.
Harsh words! Can you imagine saying these things to someone, or having someone say these things to you?!
I can.
Most of my life I've had these things spoken to me. Pounded into me as if they were the truth. They started when I was a very little girl.
And I must confess that I was the one who was saying them to myself.
It's difficult for me to write about this. But I am learning that if I have struggled with something, then that means that someone else is probably struggling also! I am not the only woman who has ever felt hatred for herself and her body.
And so I am choosing to share with you, in the hopes that someone else will realize that they are not alone in this struggle. To share hope that God brings healing and freedom from this.
My negative body image has been with me as long as I can remember.
It is a familiar feeling, and sometimes familiar feelings begin to look and sound like truth to us.
About 4 years ago, I found a picture of myself that was taken about 10 years earlier. I had gained quite a bit of weight since this picture was taken. Actually a lot of weight!
I cried as I looked at it.
I told myself, "Look at your body now, you're so fat and ugly and you did this to yourself, you don't deserve to be loved."
I remember thinking that if I could just lose enough weight and get myself back down to the size i was in this picture, then I would be happy, and pretty, and lovable.
Then another thought came to my mind and I said to myself, "Jen, when this picture was taken, you hated your body! You thought you were fat, ugly, and not worthy to be loved. Do you really think it would be any different if you were back to that size?"
Wow, it was like a moment of clarity! I realized that the hatred I felt for myself actually had nothing to do with the way my body looked!
What?! How can that be?!
Our society tells us in so many ways that skinny=happy. Pretty=lovable. Small and cute=acceptable.
I had believed that my worth was tied to my size and the way I viewed my body, that my value was linked to how I felt I physically compared to other women.
If my happiness, my worth, my ability to love and be loved, was actually not tied in the way I looked, they where would I find it? This question stirred something inside of me. It was as though Truth spoke louder than the lies I had believed my whole life.
I wish I could say that I suddenly loved myself in that moment, that the lies stopped, and I no longer struggled with hating my body! But it's been a long journey!
For the past year and a half God has been showing me that if I want to love others and have compassion for them, then I need to first learn how to love myself.
Many of the struggles I've had in my marriage and in raising my children, and in my friendships, are connected to the way I spoke to myself.
I would tell myself that I was disgusting and unlovable, and that would make me angry and filled with fear that people would hate me and not want me in their lives. And I would often react to situations as if it were true.
God showed me that when I felt loved by Him, when I spoke kindly to myself, then I was able to pour love into my family, and into other people, without fear of being rejected.
He is teaching me to recognize lies and to fill my mind with his Truth.
To be honest, this was hard to do, especially at first.
Because the old way of self-talk was so familiar to me, it felt safe and true even though it hurt me. It sounds crazy when I say it, but it was how I felt!
I have begun to let God tell me who I am rather than listening to myself. And then I repeat those things to myself and let them soak in. He tells me that I am loved and fully known by him. That He has a purpose for my life. That He created me because he loves me. That my strength and worth comes from who He is. That his love and acceptance for me is not dependent on what I do or don't do, but it is based on what He has done for me. I am fully loved, fully known, fully accepted by my Heavenly Father! And this truth, this reality, frees me to love myself and to love others the same way!
The Bible tells us to love others the way we love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves because we are listening to lies, then we need to ask God to show us how he sees us! To let his Truth push out the lies that we have believed about ourselves.
We were designed by God to be loved and accepted. We need to talk to ourselves the way the he does! As we do this, an amazing thing happens: we are able to give love freely, to turn our focus off of our selves and on to things that truly matter.
I want to encourage you to ask God to teach you how to love yourself the way that He designed. Spend time with Him, read scriptures that tell you who you are, fill your mind with Truth.
Practice saying caring and loving things to yourself! When I look in the mirror lies come and point out my flaws, but I have begun to push them away by speaking gently and lovingly to my body. It's amazing how by doing this, I am able to give love and accept love so much easier!
Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you dearly love. And love other people the way you love yourself!
You are ugly, your feet are too big, your eyes are too small.
No one cares about your problems, it's your own fault if you get hurt or sick.
People only pretend that they like you, if they knew who you really were they'd leave.
You don't have anything to offer, you're just not good enough.
And don't forget that your body looks disgusting and it's your own fault.
Harsh words! Can you imagine saying these things to someone, or having someone say these things to you?!
I can.
Most of my life I've had these things spoken to me. Pounded into me as if they were the truth. They started when I was a very little girl.
And I must confess that I was the one who was saying them to myself.
It's difficult for me to write about this. But I am learning that if I have struggled with something, then that means that someone else is probably struggling also! I am not the only woman who has ever felt hatred for herself and her body.
And so I am choosing to share with you, in the hopes that someone else will realize that they are not alone in this struggle. To share hope that God brings healing and freedom from this.
My negative body image has been with me as long as I can remember.
It is a familiar feeling, and sometimes familiar feelings begin to look and sound like truth to us.
About 4 years ago, I found a picture of myself that was taken about 10 years earlier. I had gained quite a bit of weight since this picture was taken. Actually a lot of weight!
I cried as I looked at it.
I told myself, "Look at your body now, you're so fat and ugly and you did this to yourself, you don't deserve to be loved."
I remember thinking that if I could just lose enough weight and get myself back down to the size i was in this picture, then I would be happy, and pretty, and lovable.
Then another thought came to my mind and I said to myself, "Jen, when this picture was taken, you hated your body! You thought you were fat, ugly, and not worthy to be loved. Do you really think it would be any different if you were back to that size?"
Wow, it was like a moment of clarity! I realized that the hatred I felt for myself actually had nothing to do with the way my body looked!
What?! How can that be?!
Our society tells us in so many ways that skinny=happy. Pretty=lovable. Small and cute=acceptable.
I had believed that my worth was tied to my size and the way I viewed my body, that my value was linked to how I felt I physically compared to other women.
If my happiness, my worth, my ability to love and be loved, was actually not tied in the way I looked, they where would I find it? This question stirred something inside of me. It was as though Truth spoke louder than the lies I had believed my whole life.
I wish I could say that I suddenly loved myself in that moment, that the lies stopped, and I no longer struggled with hating my body! But it's been a long journey!
For the past year and a half God has been showing me that if I want to love others and have compassion for them, then I need to first learn how to love myself.
Many of the struggles I've had in my marriage and in raising my children, and in my friendships, are connected to the way I spoke to myself.
I would tell myself that I was disgusting and unlovable, and that would make me angry and filled with fear that people would hate me and not want me in their lives. And I would often react to situations as if it were true.
God showed me that when I felt loved by Him, when I spoke kindly to myself, then I was able to pour love into my family, and into other people, without fear of being rejected.
He is teaching me to recognize lies and to fill my mind with his Truth.
To be honest, this was hard to do, especially at first.
Because the old way of self-talk was so familiar to me, it felt safe and true even though it hurt me. It sounds crazy when I say it, but it was how I felt!
I have begun to let God tell me who I am rather than listening to myself. And then I repeat those things to myself and let them soak in. He tells me that I am loved and fully known by him. That He has a purpose for my life. That He created me because he loves me. That my strength and worth comes from who He is. That his love and acceptance for me is not dependent on what I do or don't do, but it is based on what He has done for me. I am fully loved, fully known, fully accepted by my Heavenly Father! And this truth, this reality, frees me to love myself and to love others the same way!
The Bible tells us to love others the way we love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves because we are listening to lies, then we need to ask God to show us how he sees us! To let his Truth push out the lies that we have believed about ourselves.
We were designed by God to be loved and accepted. We need to talk to ourselves the way the he does! As we do this, an amazing thing happens: we are able to give love freely, to turn our focus off of our selves and on to things that truly matter.
I want to encourage you to ask God to teach you how to love yourself the way that He designed. Spend time with Him, read scriptures that tell you who you are, fill your mind with Truth.
Practice saying caring and loving things to yourself! When I look in the mirror lies come and point out my flaws, but I have begun to push them away by speaking gently and lovingly to my body. It's amazing how by doing this, I am able to give love and accept love so much easier!
Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you dearly love. And love other people the way you love yourself!
Friday, May 26, 2017
Who Am I?
I have a memory from when I was quite young, maybe 5 years old.
I remember sitting up on the bathroom counter and staring into the mirror. My nose was only about an inch away and I looked deeply into my reflection.
I studied every feature on my face: my nose, my chin, my freckles, eyebrows, cheeks, my eyes.
I remember looking at my eyes in the mirror, trying to see past my reflection and into something deeper. I was crying, and asking myself "who are you?" It was as though I knew that there was more to me than just the image I saw in the bathroom mirror.
I was more than just a physical body with features that caused me to look different than someone else, there was a part of me that I couldn't see.
Fast forward a few years to high school.
I was in grade 12 and was working on a project for my Family Studies class. I had chosen to do my assignment on adoption. This topic has been something very close to my heart, as I had been adopted when I was 2 weeks old.
Growing up in my home, adoption was openly talked about, I knew that I was loved and belonged in my family.
Mine had been a closed adoption, so we did not have much information about my birth mother. But I remember asking my parents lots of questions about it, and they would answer the best they could. I knew that one day I could look for my birth mother, if I chose to, and that my parents would support me in that and even wanted to meet her too one day.
I remember sitting up on the bathroom counter and staring into the mirror. My nose was only about an inch away and I looked deeply into my reflection.
I studied every feature on my face: my nose, my chin, my freckles, eyebrows, cheeks, my eyes.
I remember looking at my eyes in the mirror, trying to see past my reflection and into something deeper. I was crying, and asking myself "who are you?" It was as though I knew that there was more to me than just the image I saw in the bathroom mirror.
I was more than just a physical body with features that caused me to look different than someone else, there was a part of me that I couldn't see.
I tried looking harder into the mirror, tears were pouring out of my eyes, and I continued asking "who am I?"
It's hard to explain this feeling in words, but this memory is so vivid in my mind that it feels like it could have happened recently, rather than 30+ years ago! I just knew that there was something deeper and more real inside of me.
It's hard to explain this feeling in words, but this memory is so vivid in my mind that it feels like it could have happened recently, rather than 30+ years ago! I just knew that there was something deeper and more real inside of me.
Fast forward a few years to high school.
I was in grade 12 and was working on a project for my Family Studies class. I had chosen to do my assignment on adoption. This topic has been something very close to my heart, as I had been adopted when I was 2 weeks old.
Growing up in my home, adoption was openly talked about, I knew that I was loved and belonged in my family.
Mine had been a closed adoption, so we did not have much information about my birth mother. But I remember asking my parents lots of questions about it, and they would answer the best they could. I knew that one day I could look for my birth mother, if I chose to, and that my parents would support me in that and even wanted to meet her too one day.
As I worked on my grade 12 assignment, I read books and articles on adoption, and I was amazed at how often the word identity kept popping up.
I read stories written by or about people who had been adopted, and so often there was this feeling that some part of their identity was missing. And there was often the suggestion that in order to find out who they were, they needed to find out their biological family history.
For this project I was able to interview a couple people, also high school students, who also were adopted and willing to answer questions. The subject of identity came up again and again.
"Who am I? Where do I fit in?" These questions came up many times as I worked on this assignment. It seemed to be so common in people who had been adopted.
I thought back to my own experiences with these questions and how they had started at such a young age for me. Could this be my problem too?
Though at the same time I wondered that if I had interviewed other people who hadn't experienced adoption, if they would share similar feelings? It seemed to me that many people that I knew were also searching for something.
I would look at other people and their families, and see how they resembled each other: same nose, smile, eyes, things that made them look like they were part of their family. I longed for that, I thought that somehow if I could see where I got my physical features from that I would feel more complete.
A few years later I was able to meet my biological mother, and her extended family. It was an amazing experience, but a long story for another day!
I was able to learn things such as family medical history, and where my ancestors came from. I thought that knowing some of these things would help me understand and know where I came from and who I was.
I remember one of the uncles mentioned how I had the "family nose"! Everyone was pointing out the physical similarities they saw between me and them.
That night I went to bed feeling very confused. Wasn't there more to me than this?
I remember thinking "how dare they try to say who I am because I have a certain nose, or eyes!" I had this powerful realization that my identity went way deeper than this.
Finding my biological family, especially my birth mother had been a beautiful experience, but it had in no way answered the question "who am I?".
So what was it?
Where were these feelings coming from?
Finding out where I got my physical features from hadn't answered this question. Why?
Could it be that the real question came form a place much deeper?
Maybe at 5 years old, I had understood a bit better.
Then, I had looked past what I saw in the mirror and tried to see something deeper inside of me? Could it be that I was aware that I also had a spiritual part?
What I had been trying to see was my spirit, the true me, who I really am!
And I am beginning to see that if I really want to find out who I am, where I fit in, then I need to look to God, the One who created me! My identity can only truly be found in Him.
If I want to find the answer to this question that has been burning inside me since I was a little girl, then I must look to my Heavenly Father for the answers!
And he good and he does answer!
The Bible tells us that we are created in the image of God! The Bible also says that He formed us in the womb, that he even knew us before we were formed! He created our inmost being, our very soul!
Our true identity, our spirit's identity, this is what so many people are searching for, and it can only be found in God.
I read stories written by or about people who had been adopted, and so often there was this feeling that some part of their identity was missing. And there was often the suggestion that in order to find out who they were, they needed to find out their biological family history.
For this project I was able to interview a couple people, also high school students, who also were adopted and willing to answer questions. The subject of identity came up again and again.
"Who am I? Where do I fit in?" These questions came up many times as I worked on this assignment. It seemed to be so common in people who had been adopted.
I thought back to my own experiences with these questions and how they had started at such a young age for me. Could this be my problem too?
Though at the same time I wondered that if I had interviewed other people who hadn't experienced adoption, if they would share similar feelings? It seemed to me that many people that I knew were also searching for something.
I would look at other people and their families, and see how they resembled each other: same nose, smile, eyes, things that made them look like they were part of their family. I longed for that, I thought that somehow if I could see where I got my physical features from that I would feel more complete.
A few years later I was able to meet my biological mother, and her extended family. It was an amazing experience, but a long story for another day!
I was able to learn things such as family medical history, and where my ancestors came from. I thought that knowing some of these things would help me understand and know where I came from and who I was.
I remember one of the uncles mentioned how I had the "family nose"! Everyone was pointing out the physical similarities they saw between me and them.
That night I went to bed feeling very confused. Wasn't there more to me than this?
I remember thinking "how dare they try to say who I am because I have a certain nose, or eyes!" I had this powerful realization that my identity went way deeper than this.
Finding my biological family, especially my birth mother had been a beautiful experience, but it had in no way answered the question "who am I?".
So what was it?
Where were these feelings coming from?
Finding out where I got my physical features from hadn't answered this question. Why?
Could it be that the real question came form a place much deeper?
Maybe at 5 years old, I had understood a bit better.
Then, I had looked past what I saw in the mirror and tried to see something deeper inside of me? Could it be that I was aware that I also had a spiritual part?
What I had been trying to see was my spirit, the true me, who I really am!
And I am beginning to see that if I really want to find out who I am, where I fit in, then I need to look to God, the One who created me! My identity can only truly be found in Him.
If I want to find the answer to this question that has been burning inside me since I was a little girl, then I must look to my Heavenly Father for the answers!
And he good and he does answer!
The Bible tells us that we are created in the image of God! The Bible also says that He formed us in the womb, that he even knew us before we were formed! He created our inmost being, our very soul!
Our true identity, our spirit's identity, this is what so many people are searching for, and it can only be found in God.
Friday, May 5, 2017
The Gift of Comfort
I remember the day that my parents brought our little wiener dog Chi-Chi to the vet to be put down. I was only about 9 or 10 years old.
I had never experienced the pain of loss like this before, and I felt like my heart was breaking.
I remember. so clearly, standing in the shower and feeling like the tears would never stop.
It hurt so badly.
I prayed and told God that I needed him to fix things and take this hurt away because I couldn't handle it.
Suddenly, I felt peace.
I'll never forget that moment.
One second I was crying as though my heart was broken, and the next second I was filled with such peace and calmness. Nothing had changed, my special little dog was still gone, but inside of me everything had changed.
God had heard my prayer and had comforted me, and that powerful moment has forever been solidly stuck in my memory and has become a part of who I am.
I a moment I had experienced true comfort from my Heavenly Father, and that moment forever changed something inside of me.
Last week was a tough one for me. My little dog Zoe had to get a small
operation done at the vet. While she was having that done, the vet noticed some awful things about her teeth and informed us that she needed to have them all removed asap. This was not something we were prepared for!
I came home and cried, I felt awful for my little pup and was filled with worry for her and about how we would pay for these unexpected vet bills.
I spent most of the next day in bed.
Fears and worries overwhelmed me. I didn't know what to do, the dental surgery would cost way more than what we could afford right now, but without doing it, Zoe would be suffering so badly. I considered the idea of having to put her down because of costs. But she was still young and so healthy otherwise...
I laid in bed and prayed.
I asked God to heal my little dog, or to let her peacefully pass away in her sleep so that we wouldn't have these extra bills. or have to make tough decisions. This was more than I could handle.
God could fix this, I believed it!
But I also knew that there were always going to be difficult things coming at me throughout my life. We live in a world where there is sickness. death, decay, and pain. Those things are here because sin is in our world.
Yes, God could fix this situation with Zoe, but what about the next hard thing that happens? And the next thing?
I felt like he wanted to use this situation to teach me something about himself. He is a great teacher and I'm learning to trust Him.
So I pushed past my ideas of what I thought that I needed, and allowed him to work the way he knew that I needed. He showed me that what is even more powerful than him "fixing everything" was letting him comfort me in the midst of hurt and uncertainty. It's a powerful thing because it stops fear and worry in their tracks. I don't have to wait until everything if perfect before I can have Peace.
He reminded me about when my dog had died when I was young, and how he hadn't brought her back but instead gave me His peace in the midst of that difficult time. And he reminded me of how life changing it had been for me, even at such a young age.
I thought of the verse in Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
I felt his comfort and reassurance flood though my mind and my soul once again.
I could give him all of the doubts and worries that this situation was bringing up inside of me, and not only would he take them, but he would also replaced them with a sense of calmness and comfort.
To be comforted, by the One who created me and knows me better than I know myself, is a life changing thing.
I thought back to a few days earlier, when I held one of my children in my arms and listened to them sob as they shared with me some hurtful comments that were spoken to them while at school. I cried with them and allowed God to speak Truth into them through my words. I watched as God used me to comfort and encourage my child. I wished I could have prevented them from ever being hurt in the first place, but yet this opportunity for me to hold them and pray with them and speak truth into their lives was something so valuable.
I hate seeing my children hurting and struggling with things. But I've realized, over the years, that it's often during those times that our bond is strengthened and they see that they can trust us and depend on us as their parents. It's a gift to be able to comfort them.
And I think that it's that way in our relationship with God also.
He hurts when we are hurting, but when we allow him to comfort us, it deepens out trust and dependency in him.
He wants to be everything that we need.
He wants us to run to him with our hurts, our fears, our anxieties, and to allow him to comfort us and to strengthen us in the middle of what we are going through.
Being comforted is a beautiful and powerful thing, but there must first be a need to be comforted.
I am learning that it is ok to go through difficult things: emotionally, physically, financially, in relationships, in whatever we are facing.
God, our Heavenly Father, wants to comfort us, and to give us his peace and strength in those times. There are miracles that happen inside of comfort!
I had never experienced the pain of loss like this before, and I felt like my heart was breaking.
I remember. so clearly, standing in the shower and feeling like the tears would never stop.
It hurt so badly.
I prayed and told God that I needed him to fix things and take this hurt away because I couldn't handle it.
Suddenly, I felt peace.
I'll never forget that moment.
One second I was crying as though my heart was broken, and the next second I was filled with such peace and calmness. Nothing had changed, my special little dog was still gone, but inside of me everything had changed.
God had heard my prayer and had comforted me, and that powerful moment has forever been solidly stuck in my memory and has become a part of who I am.
I a moment I had experienced true comfort from my Heavenly Father, and that moment forever changed something inside of me.
Last week was a tough one for me. My little dog Zoe had to get a small
operation done at the vet. While she was having that done, the vet noticed some awful things about her teeth and informed us that she needed to have them all removed asap. This was not something we were prepared for!
I came home and cried, I felt awful for my little pup and was filled with worry for her and about how we would pay for these unexpected vet bills.
I spent most of the next day in bed.
Fears and worries overwhelmed me. I didn't know what to do, the dental surgery would cost way more than what we could afford right now, but without doing it, Zoe would be suffering so badly. I considered the idea of having to put her down because of costs. But she was still young and so healthy otherwise...
I laid in bed and prayed.
I asked God to heal my little dog, or to let her peacefully pass away in her sleep so that we wouldn't have these extra bills. or have to make tough decisions. This was more than I could handle.
God could fix this, I believed it!
But I also knew that there were always going to be difficult things coming at me throughout my life. We live in a world where there is sickness. death, decay, and pain. Those things are here because sin is in our world.
Yes, God could fix this situation with Zoe, but what about the next hard thing that happens? And the next thing?
I felt like he wanted to use this situation to teach me something about himself. He is a great teacher and I'm learning to trust Him.
So I pushed past my ideas of what I thought that I needed, and allowed him to work the way he knew that I needed. He showed me that what is even more powerful than him "fixing everything" was letting him comfort me in the midst of hurt and uncertainty. It's a powerful thing because it stops fear and worry in their tracks. I don't have to wait until everything if perfect before I can have Peace.
He reminded me about when my dog had died when I was young, and how he hadn't brought her back but instead gave me His peace in the midst of that difficult time. And he reminded me of how life changing it had been for me, even at such a young age.
I thought of the verse in Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
I felt his comfort and reassurance flood though my mind and my soul once again.
I could give him all of the doubts and worries that this situation was bringing up inside of me, and not only would he take them, but he would also replaced them with a sense of calmness and comfort.
To be comforted, by the One who created me and knows me better than I know myself, is a life changing thing.
I thought back to a few days earlier, when I held one of my children in my arms and listened to them sob as they shared with me some hurtful comments that were spoken to them while at school. I cried with them and allowed God to speak Truth into them through my words. I watched as God used me to comfort and encourage my child. I wished I could have prevented them from ever being hurt in the first place, but yet this opportunity for me to hold them and pray with them and speak truth into their lives was something so valuable.
I hate seeing my children hurting and struggling with things. But I've realized, over the years, that it's often during those times that our bond is strengthened and they see that they can trust us and depend on us as their parents. It's a gift to be able to comfort them.
And I think that it's that way in our relationship with God also.
He hurts when we are hurting, but when we allow him to comfort us, it deepens out trust and dependency in him.
He wants to be everything that we need.
He wants us to run to him with our hurts, our fears, our anxieties, and to allow him to comfort us and to strengthen us in the middle of what we are going through.
Being comforted is a beautiful and powerful thing, but there must first be a need to be comforted.
I am learning that it is ok to go through difficult things: emotionally, physically, financially, in relationships, in whatever we are facing.
God, our Heavenly Father, wants to comfort us, and to give us his peace and strength in those times. There are miracles that happen inside of comfort!
Friday, April 21, 2017
To See With God's Eyes
There's something about these mountains! They are so wild and powerful and strong. They surround me and make me feel safe and calm. They give me a sense of steadiness and security, almost as though the Creator of them is holding me in a massive hug.
To me they are evidence of God's power and creativity.
As I write this, I am looking out my window at a view that never ceases to take my breath away. I can be going about my day, with my mind on a thousand things, and yet when I look up and see these mountains I am filled with awe.
To know that the same God who created them, also created me! It stirs something inside me, a desire to worship God, to pour out love and praise to Him.
Two summers ago, there were some massive forest fires here in BC. They weren't right close to us, but the wind carried the smoke into our valley.
For days, the smoke was so thick that it hid the mountains! I remember walking by the lake and seeing nothing in front of me but a foggy grey emptiness. My eyes would strain as i stared into the direction where I knew my beautiful mountains were, but no matter how hard I looked those mountains remained hidden.
One day I was in town sitting by the lake and a group of tourists walked by. They had no idea that just beyond the smoke was a view that would take their breath away! Hidden behind the smoke was a lake and mountains, the kind that you see pictures of in magazine articles telling you about the top 10 places you must go visit!
And here these people were walking right past without a second glance!
But I knew what was behind this curtain of grey! These mountains were etched in my mind's eyes.
I found a picture on my phone that I had taken only a couple of days before, when the smoke was just beginning to cast a hint of a haze over our area. I decided to take another picture of how things looked now on this day. Such a difference!
Somewhere out there were majestic mountains framing a beautiful clear lake, and I could still thank God for them because I knew it was only a matter of time before the smoke would clear away!
For some reason this experience has got me thinking about the people around me: The ones in my life that just cross my path each day, the people I know and love, and also the people that I find difficult to deal with, or that I wish I could sometimes avoid.
I began to wonder if maybe they had beauty and treasures inside of them that I just couldn't see. That maybe their hurts, insecurities, or the walls that they had put up, were hiding the true them.
And so I started to pray and ask God to give me a glimpse of what He sees. He is able to look past our mess and see into our hearts. He begins to work in people from the inside out.
Where we see anger and harshness in a person, He looks with compassion and sees the hurts and struggles that have led them to act this way.
Where we see arrogance, He looks deep inside and sees insecurity.
Where we look at someone and see coldness or bitterness, He looks with eyes that go past that and sees a broken heart and and the fear of not being loved.
I need God to give me his eyes to see people for who they truly are, to not judge based on what I'm seeing at that moment, but to look deeper, and see that there really is treasures and gifts inside each one of us.
God wants to love us all, He wants to heal the brokenness, the fears, the addictions, the wounds that we have deep inside, the things that sometimes try to cover up who He created us to be.
My prayer is that God would give us eyes to see people the way that He does.
I love songs that put words to my prayers, and this song does just that!
Give my your eyes- Brandon Heath
Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city of lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black-top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared
Traced out by the city of lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black-top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.
Step out on the busy street.
See a girl and our eyes meet.
Does her best to smile at me.
To hide what's underneath.
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie.
Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buyin time.
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared.
See a girl and our eyes meet.
Does her best to smile at me.
To hide what's underneath.
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie.
Too ashamed to tell his wife he's out of work, he's buyin time.
All those people going somewhere, why have I never cared.
Friday, April 7, 2017
I'd Be Lost Without You
I just spent the past few hours working on a blog post.
I had done a final read over, made a few changes and then tried to post it.
But suddenly more than half of what I had worked so hard on was GONE!! What?!?!
Ok, don't panic, just go back it's got to be somewhere...
They say that you need to be careful of what you put on the internet because once it's out there, it's always out there! Except for my Blog post I guess! That thing has been forever lost!
Now the panic starts to set in...
This isn't fair...I spent so much time pouring my heart into this post...I was happy with it...
God had taught me something through a difficult day that I'd had this week, and I thought it would be the perfect thing to write about on this blog.
For the past few hours, I had been putting these thoughts into words. Going over each sentence and cutting and pasting until it sounded just right.
And now it is gone.
I went back, I went forward, I checked to see if I'd posted it as something else. But it was lost.
I felt suddenly empty. God why? Tears came.
I had spent so much time on this.
God had used that hard day this week to show me just how much He loves me. I had just spent hours with him, writing about this, and standing amazed at how he can use us even when we feel weak; physically, mentally, spiritually, or all of the above. If we let him.
And now my work was gone. He had known exactly what would happen; that I would lose my writing today.
I wanted to quit.
I was angry, hurt, and the lies came and told me that I really didn't have anything to offer anyways.
I sat here for a minute or two or maybe more.
I cried out to God. I knew he could help me figure out how to get my post back. But nothing I tried worked!
I knew there was no way to start over and rewrite all, and somehow I felt like I wasn't supposed to. I felt like God wanted me to hand my words and even my disappointment over to Him, and let him help turn it into something new.
And so here I am, realizing that there is beauty and lessons to be learned even when things don't go the way I feel they should.
The words that I had carefully chosen and written might be gone, but the Truth is still there. The things God had taught me, His Truth that had poured into my soul is still there. A lost blog post can't take that from me!
His love is the same no matter what. His grace is bigger than my doubts, fears, emotions, and losses.
God still loves me. And this realization, in the midst of disappointment, is worth so much more than a lost blog post! I would trade everything just to know Him more, to feel his comfort, and his Love.
There's a song that I've been listening to over and over today. It puts the words to what is in my heart. Especially at the end of the song, when it says: "I'd be lost without you. But now I'm found singing your praise"
Please take a few minutes to listen to this song (at the bottom of this post)
I pray that it speaks to you :)
Scandal Of Grace (I'd be lost)- Hillsong United
Grace, what have You done?
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in Your blood
Too much to make sense of it all
I know that Your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
Oh
Death, where is your sting?
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live
And mercy, my heart now to sing
The day and its trouble shall come
I know that Your strength is enough
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
And it's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of Your love that my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
I'd be lost
I'd be lost
I'd be lost without you
But now I'm found singing Your praise
I'd be lost
I'd be lost
I'd be lost without you
Jesus
I had done a final read over, made a few changes and then tried to post it.
But suddenly more than half of what I had worked so hard on was GONE!! What?!?!
Ok, don't panic, just go back it's got to be somewhere...
They say that you need to be careful of what you put on the internet because once it's out there, it's always out there! Except for my Blog post I guess! That thing has been forever lost!
Now the panic starts to set in...
This isn't fair...I spent so much time pouring my heart into this post...I was happy with it...
God had taught me something through a difficult day that I'd had this week, and I thought it would be the perfect thing to write about on this blog.
For the past few hours, I had been putting these thoughts into words. Going over each sentence and cutting and pasting until it sounded just right.
And now it is gone.
I went back, I went forward, I checked to see if I'd posted it as something else. But it was lost.
I felt suddenly empty. God why? Tears came.
I had spent so much time on this.
God had used that hard day this week to show me just how much He loves me. I had just spent hours with him, writing about this, and standing amazed at how he can use us even when we feel weak; physically, mentally, spiritually, or all of the above. If we let him.
And now my work was gone. He had known exactly what would happen; that I would lose my writing today.
I wanted to quit.
I was angry, hurt, and the lies came and told me that I really didn't have anything to offer anyways.
I sat here for a minute or two or maybe more.
I cried out to God. I knew he could help me figure out how to get my post back. But nothing I tried worked!
I knew there was no way to start over and rewrite all, and somehow I felt like I wasn't supposed to. I felt like God wanted me to hand my words and even my disappointment over to Him, and let him help turn it into something new.
And so here I am, realizing that there is beauty and lessons to be learned even when things don't go the way I feel they should.
The words that I had carefully chosen and written might be gone, but the Truth is still there. The things God had taught me, His Truth that had poured into my soul is still there. A lost blog post can't take that from me!
His love is the same no matter what. His grace is bigger than my doubts, fears, emotions, and losses.
God still loves me. And this realization, in the midst of disappointment, is worth so much more than a lost blog post! I would trade everything just to know Him more, to feel his comfort, and his Love.
There's a song that I've been listening to over and over today. It puts the words to what is in my heart. Especially at the end of the song, when it says: "I'd be lost without you. But now I'm found singing your praise"
Please take a few minutes to listen to this song (at the bottom of this post)
I pray that it speaks to you :)
Scandal Of Grace (I'd be lost)- Hillsong United
Grace, what have You done?
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in Your blood
Too much to make sense of it all
I know that Your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
Oh
Death, where is your sting?
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live
And mercy, my heart now to sing
The day and its trouble shall come
I know that Your strength is enough
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
And it's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of You, Jesus
It's all, because of Your love that my soul will live
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart
I'd be lost
I'd be lost
I'd be lost without you
But now I'm found singing Your praise
I'd be lost
I'd be lost
I'd be lost without you
Jesus
Friday, March 24, 2017
Still I Will Trust
I have struggled, since as far back as I can remember, with a fear of being disappointed, and of being let down.
Many times this fear leaked over into the way I would pray to God. I was often afraid to pray about something specific, or to present a request to God and trust that He would answer.
What if I believed with all of my heart, but then I didn't get the answer that I had been praying for? What if God let me down? How could I then go on trusting Him?
These were thoughts that came at me many times, and caused me to shy away when I would talk to God about my needs. I often tried to have a back up plan, just in case he didn't answer the way I thought he should!
I remember a few years ago reading the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Bible. (found in Daniel chapter 3) If you aren't familiar with the story, I encourage you to read it! Even if you know it, you should really read it again!
The king back then, had ordered that everyone worship an idol that he'd built, and if anyone refused they would be thrown into a huge fire. But these 3 men would not bow down to any false gods and said they would only worship the true God. For this, the king ordered that they were to be thrown into the furnace. I am sure these men prayed to God pretty hard, their prayer was probably very specific, asking him to save them!
Thankfully God did save them from being burnt up! But the part of the story that really stands out to me is what these men told the king, before they were thrown into the fire. Daniel 3:17-18" If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
But even if he does not...
Six little words that hold such meaning!
These men prayed, but their faith in God was not dependent on God answering the way that they thought he should. They knew that God could save them, but their trust and faith rested securely in who God was, not in what God could do for them.
My heart longs for this type of Truth to soak down into my very soul. It breaks off every fear that tries to sneak it's way into my prayers. The lies that tell me that I shouldn't trust God because what if he doesn't answer the way I think he should, or what if he lets me down because thing don't go the way I think they need to. I realize that my faith and trust needs to be firmly rooted in who God is, not just in what he can do.
Deuteronomy 31:6 says the he will never leave us or forsake us.
Philippians 4:12-13 says that he will give us strength in every situation that we face.
Romans 8:28 That he does work things out for the good of those who love him.
As we fill our minds with the Truth, we can then pray to God with confidence, knowing that he loves us, that he sees the big picture. Our faith, hope, and trust are unshakable when they are securely rooted in God.
There's a song called Trust In You, by Lauren Daigle, that I've been listening to lots lately. The words echo the cry in my heart to trust God even when things aren't going the way that I think they should.
Here's a link to the song:
Many times this fear leaked over into the way I would pray to God. I was often afraid to pray about something specific, or to present a request to God and trust that He would answer.
What if I believed with all of my heart, but then I didn't get the answer that I had been praying for? What if God let me down? How could I then go on trusting Him?
These were thoughts that came at me many times, and caused me to shy away when I would talk to God about my needs. I often tried to have a back up plan, just in case he didn't answer the way I thought he should!
I remember a few years ago reading the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Bible. (found in Daniel chapter 3) If you aren't familiar with the story, I encourage you to read it! Even if you know it, you should really read it again!
The king back then, had ordered that everyone worship an idol that he'd built, and if anyone refused they would be thrown into a huge fire. But these 3 men would not bow down to any false gods and said they would only worship the true God. For this, the king ordered that they were to be thrown into the furnace. I am sure these men prayed to God pretty hard, their prayer was probably very specific, asking him to save them!
Thankfully God did save them from being burnt up! But the part of the story that really stands out to me is what these men told the king, before they were thrown into the fire. Daniel 3:17-18" If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
But even if he does not...
Six little words that hold such meaning!
These men prayed, but their faith in God was not dependent on God answering the way that they thought he should. They knew that God could save them, but their trust and faith rested securely in who God was, not in what God could do for them.
My heart longs for this type of Truth to soak down into my very soul. It breaks off every fear that tries to sneak it's way into my prayers. The lies that tell me that I shouldn't trust God because what if he doesn't answer the way I think he should, or what if he lets me down because thing don't go the way I think they need to. I realize that my faith and trust needs to be firmly rooted in who God is, not just in what he can do.
Deuteronomy 31:6 says the he will never leave us or forsake us.
Philippians 4:12-13 says that he will give us strength in every situation that we face.
Romans 8:28 That he does work things out for the good of those who love him.
As we fill our minds with the Truth, we can then pray to God with confidence, knowing that he loves us, that he sees the big picture. Our faith, hope, and trust are unshakable when they are securely rooted in God.
There's a song called Trust In You, by Lauren Daigle, that I've been listening to lots lately. The words echo the cry in my heart to trust God even when things aren't going the way that I think they should.
Here's a link to the song:
Friday, March 17, 2017
The purpose of our gifts
I loved sitting down to write the blog post for last week. I felt very grown up and excited as i sat down with my lap top and cup of coffee and wrote what was on my mind and heart. The words came readily as my heart poured out onto the keyboard. Hey this is easy, i thought, it'll be great if every week goes this smoothly!
I thought I knew what I was going to write about this week, so I finally sat down, and started typing...then deleted it...and come up with a whole new idea...and deleted that one too...and changed my mind over and over...and still nothing! The words were a bit jumbled and weren't flowing like I expected them to! I realized that another week was almost up, and I still didn't have anything to post on the blog! And did I mention that I'm a bit of a procrastinator?!
Ok God, I prayed, can't you just give me something really wise to blog about? Teach me something so I can share it, but please make it quick, I've got a deadline you know!
I thought I knew what I was going to write about this week, so I finally sat down, and started typing...then deleted it...and come up with a whole new idea...and deleted that one too...and changed my mind over and over...and still nothing! The words were a bit jumbled and weren't flowing like I expected them to! I realized that another week was almost up, and I still didn't have anything to post on the blog! And did I mention that I'm a bit of a procrastinator?!
Ok God, I prayed, can't you just give me something really wise to blog about? Teach me something so I can share it, but please make it quick, I've got a deadline you know!
I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that my prayer actually may have sounded like that!
I decided to open up my Bible. I'm beginning to realize that the answers I'm looking for are always right there, if I'm willing to take the time to ask, to look and spend time with God. His Word is so full of life! I love reading different translations of the Bible, and the Message translation is one of my favourites. So, I stopped trying to figure things out on my own, I opened up my Bible, and asked God to help! What I found was
James 3:15-16 "Do You want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom--it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throat"
Wow, strong words! I stopped and realized that maybe God was trying to tell me something!
Here I had been looking for something to write about, for a bit of wisdom to share, and maybe deep down, hoping that I would seem wise in someone else's eyes.
But suddenly I saw that if I am writing in a way that only causes people to look at me and the things that I know, then I think I'm missing the whole point! I need to stop and take a good look at my intentions. Am I just asking God to help me write a blog post, or am I truly wanting Him to teach me something that will challenge me to change the way I am living my life.
Maybe God gives us gifts as a way to point people to Himself! He is the one who needs to shine, and the One whom people need to be drawn towards. If we use our gifts, whatever they are, hoping that people will admire us or think better of us in some way, then it won't be long before we're trying to compete with each other and hoping to outshine the person next to us! And then things fall apart!
We need to use our gifts, our skills, talents, and abilities, as a way to work together, to build each other up, and to point people to God. He is more than able to meet everyone's needs, not just the needs that we can see. He sees hearts and hurts and fears and wants to heal the things deep inside all of us.
We need to spend time with God, and allow him to change us from the inside. To let him teach us how to live well, to live wise, and to live humbly.
I decided to open up my Bible. I'm beginning to realize that the answers I'm looking for are always right there, if I'm willing to take the time to ask, to look and spend time with God. His Word is so full of life! I love reading different translations of the Bible, and the Message translation is one of my favourites. So, I stopped trying to figure things out on my own, I opened up my Bible, and asked God to help! What I found was
James 3:15-16 "Do You want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom--it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throat"
Wow, strong words! I stopped and realized that maybe God was trying to tell me something!
Here I had been looking for something to write about, for a bit of wisdom to share, and maybe deep down, hoping that I would seem wise in someone else's eyes.
But suddenly I saw that if I am writing in a way that only causes people to look at me and the things that I know, then I think I'm missing the whole point! I need to stop and take a good look at my intentions. Am I just asking God to help me write a blog post, or am I truly wanting Him to teach me something that will challenge me to change the way I am living my life.
Maybe God gives us gifts as a way to point people to Himself! He is the one who needs to shine, and the One whom people need to be drawn towards. If we use our gifts, whatever they are, hoping that people will admire us or think better of us in some way, then it won't be long before we're trying to compete with each other and hoping to outshine the person next to us! And then things fall apart!
We need to use our gifts, our skills, talents, and abilities, as a way to work together, to build each other up, and to point people to God. He is more than able to meet everyone's needs, not just the needs that we can see. He sees hearts and hurts and fears and wants to heal the things deep inside all of us.
We need to spend time with God, and allow him to change us from the inside. To let him teach us how to live well, to live wise, and to live humbly.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus!
Welcome to the blog! I'm excited to start this!
About 7 or 8 years ago i started my own blog, just writing about things such as being a mom, my never ending battle with dishes and laundry and clutter, and whatever else was on my mind!
I loved writing about the things that God was teaching me through everyday life, and I loved being able to share my thoughts with others, though I think there was only about 5 or 6 people who ever read it :) I didn't post things very often, and there were many times that weeks or months would pass by before I'd take time to sit down and write a new post. It's now been a couple of years since I've taken the time to sit down and write anything new on that blog, not because I didn't want to, but mostly because I forgot the password to get into my account!
So when a couple of the girls asked me if I could start writing a weekly blog for our group Gifted, I jumped at the chance! I loved the idea and was excited to be part of something like that!
And yes, this time I've written down the password!
Almost as soon as I agreed to write this blog, my mind drifted to all of the reasons why I shouldn't do this. A weekly blog post?, I thought, But I'm the biggest procrastinator that I know and will never get something written each week on time! I'm not funny or smart enough, what if no one wants to read it anyways...my spelling and grammar aren't perfect...what if people don't like what I write about or don't relate to anything i post?!
And on and on these thought came as I focused more on my weaknesses and the obstacles that seemed in my view.
Oh God, i thought, why put this opportunity in front of me, something i would love to do, and then let it be ripped away because I feel that I'm not good enough to do it? Suddenly, the words to an old song, that I used to sing as a child, starting playing in my mind ," Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."
Oh the power and truth in these words! When my eyes are steadily fixed on Him, all of my inabilities and weaknesses fade away from my view. I begin to see that it is God who gives gifts to us, and He will also give us the strength and ability to use these gifts! If we choose to focus on Him and his strength, we can then use our gifts, knowing that the Giver of gifts is also the One who enables us to use them!
Doubts and fears are replaced with peace and hope when we choose to keep our eyes on Jesus!
Here's a link if you'd like to listen to the song:
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